Dating and other kinds of torture.
What’s worse? Discovering you’ve got a condition where your pelvic floor muscles contract involuntarily, making any kind of vaginal penetration difficult, or, dating with vaginismus?
They both suck tbh.
Dating can be stressful enough as it is. Outfits, date ideas, awkward conversation pauses, kissing, touching, COVID-19, food stuck in your teeth.
What happens if things go well? What happens if you’re feeling some feelings and are super attracted? How will you bring up talking about sex BEFORE you even HAVE sex?
What if they have never heard of vaginismus and you have to sit there and explain it all while trying not to ruin the ‘mood’.
Many people self-sabotage. That’s right. They sabotage it all before even getting to the bedroom for fear of rejection and humiliation (and pain). The most important thing to remember in this moment is that we are all worthy of pleasure. We all deserve to experience pleasurable, pain-free, and safe, consensual sex. Difference should not equal shame. You are different, your pelvic floor works differently and your body responds differently to pain. You are still worthy of pleasure.
The first time you have to have the ‘vaginismus’ talk with a sexual partner will be the hardest. Each time after that will be a breeze. If you are met with a negative response the world will not end. Get yourself out of there and don’t waste any more of your time or energy (or cute outfits). They probably have a very cut and dry understanding of what ‘sex’ is. A lack of curiosity and creativity sounds like a bland time anyway.
If you are met with understanding and support (and feel comfortable) then go for it! There is so much more to sex than penetration, however, we’ve all been raised (brainwashed) into thinking there is one way to have ‘sex’.
It’s OK to feel self-conscious, anxious, and even a little scared of what will happen in the moment, but don’t let the fear hold you back from dating or casual sex.
Don’t deprive yourself of the weird, hilarious, awkward, magical, and disastrous world that is dating!
Plus dating isn’t the worst D word. Diarrhoea is.
